All of us have had that moment when we are at a networking event and you look across the room and realize this could be an incredible opportunity to really be seen by others, and make a great impression on someone, but are unsure how to get the conversation going or how to initiate a conversation with a shy person.
This can especially be challenging if you’re trying to talk to someone who’s a bit shyer or reserved than most.
Possibly, you have already noticed that a shy person is constantly looking around. He seems unclear about what to do next.
He has a monologue going on in his head telling him that “you are not good enough, you will never be accepted by others, people don’t like you, nobody’s interested in your ideas”, forms of negative conversations which are digging a hole of unhappiness in his mind.
Some people prefer to keep to themselves, and can be described as shy. However, reaching out to a shy person still requires a similar process as a larger-scale conversation.
Regardless of how outgoing you are, it is important to know how to initiate a conversation, especially with a shy person.
All of us have met someone who seemed shy and quite reluctant to speak.
Whether we’re aware of it or not, establishing a good connection with these people may be just the thing we need for improving our communication skills.
Tips on How to Initiate a Conversation With a Shy Person
The most important thing to remember when initiating a conversation with a shy person is this: don’t act differently or try to change yourself.
Just be yourself. It’s important to stay confident and relaxed, so if you’re feeling nervous, just remember that it’s probably not obvious and that the other person is also probably nervous.
If you can talk with a shy person regularly, you’ll find that there are more similarities between you than differences.
Have you ever had a conversation with a shy person? It may be hard to get past the awkward silences and long pauses.
Having a few pointers at hand on how to initiate a conversation with shy people can really boost your confidence and make you more successful at building relationships with them.
So, if you want to get to know a shy person try these tips and enjoy yourself while having a conversation with them.
If you show interest in the other person and are open to conversation, it will come about naturally.
Just make sure you follow these tips so that you can be prepared when such an opportunity arises.
1. Identify the shy person
Start by identifying the shy person. This is important because you don’t want to be talking to someone who is not at all interested in speaking with you.
You also need to be sure that they have time for a conversation before you approach them. Shy people are often introverts, so they tend to be quiet.
They may even look like they don’t want to talk to anyone. However, this is not always the case. It’s possible that they just need a reason to approach you and others.
If you’re unsure if someone is shy or simply introverted, ask them directly if they’d like to talk.
2. Do not approach a shy individual suddenly
When approaching someone shy, do not rush up to them and start talking. This will only make them more nervous and less likely to talk with you.
Instead, walk up slowly and casually ask if they have any time to talk for a few minutes. If they say no, just move on without being offended or disappointed.
If they say yes, then proceed with the next steps below.
3. Smile and greet the person in a friendly manner
Smiling and greeting someone in a friendly manner is one of the best ways to break the ice. It tells the other person that you are friendly and open to talking to them.
4. Choose your words carefully
When talking to a shy individual for the first time be careful with your words.
Avoid using aggressive or judgmental words when talking to shy people because they may interpret them as an insult or an attack on their character.
For example, if someone asks you how old you think they are, don’t say anything like “You look like 18.” Instead, just tell them your honest opinion about their age without being mean about it.
5. Avoid making eye contact at first, if possible
The first thing you can do to initiate a conversation is to avoid making eye contact with a person who seems shy.
This is because it can be very intimidating for some people and make them feel even more nervous.
If you keep your eyes away from their face, they will feel more comfortable and you can also help to break the ice by doing this.
Once they are comfortable enough, then you can start to look at them again.
6. Avoid asking too many questions
Avoid asking too many questions or comments that may seem personal or prying during the initial conversation.
Another great way to start a conversation with someone who seems shy is by asking them questions about themselves and what they like doing for fun, etc.
You should avoid asking too many questions though as this could make them feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable talking about themselves in front of others.
The best way to do this is by asking open-ended questions that encourage them to talk more about themselves without putting pressure on them in any way at all.
7. Maintain an open body posture while speaking
If you’re having a conversation with someone who’s shy, it’s important to keep an open body posture.
This means that your arms should be uncrossed and your legs should be uncrossed or at least crossed at the ankles.
The reason for this is that nervous people tend to cross their arms and legs because they feel uncomfortable in social situations.
If you maintain an open body posture, it will make the other person less anxious and more likely to engage with you.
What to Say to a Shy Person
Do you know what to say to a shy person? Or what do you say to someone who’s acting reserved? Shyness is a common trait, as I’m sure some of you shy people can relate.
As you know, shy people tend to be quiet and reserved. However, they can make lasting friends and associates, so you must initiate a conversation with them.
They are actually great guys. Shy people have special strengths that make them unique and fun to be around, although they may not seem like it at first.
The easiest way to start a conversation with a shy person is to demonstrate that you are friendly and not afraid of being rejected, so smile gently when you look at them.
It will help make the other person feel more confident about talking to you and reduce their nerves. If it feels natural, you could also talk about something going on around you both.
Describe your surroundings in the simplest terms like how the weather is or what people are doing and mention casually how nice it is today.
Talking with a shy person is the same as talking to anyone else. All you have to do is start talking, tell some stories, and let the shy person talk in turn. If a shy person can talk, he or she will be interested in what you have to say.
It takes courage to approach them. If you want to know, then read on and discover the various ways of doing this.
8. Talk about their family
Shy people often keep to themselves because they’re not sure how to engage with others on a deeper level.
One of the best ways to get them talking is by asking them questions about their family.
Not only will this make them feel comfortable talking about themselves, but it can also lead to other areas of discussion like hobbies or interests.
9. Ask if they have any pets
Shy people are often friendly and open once you get to know them, but the prospect of starting that conversation can be daunting.
If you’re at a party with a shy person, don’t worry about asking them personal questions right away. Instead, try breaking the ice by asking if they have any pets.
This is a safe topic that doesn’t involve too much personal information. It also allows them to talk about themselves without feeling like they’re being interrogated.
10. Talk about how they got into their line of work
Another great way to start talking to a shy person is by asking about their work. Most people love talking about their job, especially if it’s something they enjoy doing every day.
This gives both parties something easy and fun to talk about while also allowing you to find common ground (if there is any).
11. Talk about their opinion or idea
Shy people often enjoy sharing their thoughts and opinions with others who are interested in hearing them.
If you want to start a conversation with a shy person, ask them what they think about a particular topic or scenario.
This will allow them to talk about themselves and get over their initial nervousness around you.
12. Talk about something you have in common
Shy people may not approach other people first, but if someone initiates contact by asking about something that we have in common we tend to feel more comfortable talking because we feel like we have a common ground from which we can begin our conversation from there.
13. Mention a shared experience
Shy people are often uncomfortable with small talk. They don’t want to talk about the weather or their favorite TV shows — they want real connections with people who genuinely care about them.
So if you share an experience with them, it’s easier for them to open up.
For example, if you’ve both been through something challenging together (like moving or getting fired), then that’s something you can talk about together without feeling judged or awkward.
But even if you haven’t had a shared experience yet, ask about something they like or are excited about and let them talk about it.
This can give shy people the confidence they need to speak up again later on in your conversation.
14. Ask them to help you do something
If you’re having trouble getting started with a shy person, in particular, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
For example, if you’re at a party and want to mingle with someone who’s standing alone near the food table, ask them if they know where the cups are kept or if they can grab two drinks at once so that they don’t have to wait in line again later on.
This will allow them to talk with someone without feeling like it’s expected of them and make it easier for both of you as nobody has to say anything too personal right away.
Questions to Ask a Shy Person
Shy people are the less social kind and it’s pretty much hard to initiate a conversation with them.
However, if you can learn how to break the ice with a shy person, then nothing will stop you from having good conversations with them and building lasting relationships.
It is indeed a very tricky thing to initiate a conversation with a shy person and it can be very intimidating for someone who has never done it before.
You just have to keep at it, this is because you learn from each attempt. Try to pull out outstanding questions to ask a shy person that will get the other person talking.
Have the courage to walk up to them and ask questions about their lives, education, or work; plus you can also answer your share of questions too.
If you want to create a conversation with a shy person and I know, most of us do, then it is super important that you know how to initiate a conversation with a shy person.
Believe me when I tell you that some people really have problems starting conversations, especially shy people.
15. What is your favorite thing to do?
This question is great because it allows the shy person to talk about something they love without having to work too hard at talking about themselves.
The answer will tell you what kind of things interest them and how they like to spend their time.
16. What made you smile today?
Shy people may not have much practice talking about themselves, so asking them about something else is easier than asking them directly about themselves especially if they don’t know you very well yet.
This question also gives shy people an opportunity to show off their sense of humor and personality in low-pressure situations.
17. What have you been reading lately?
This is a great way to start a conversation with a shy person. It’s a non-threatening topic that can be used to get to know them better.
You can ask what they’re reading, or if they’ve read any good books lately. This will open up the conversation and help them feel more comfortable talking with you.
18. What is your most loved memory ever?
Shy people often have great memories and stories to tell. They may not be so good at sharing them with others, but they do have a rich treasure trove of memories.
A great way to start a conversation with a shy person is by asking what their favorite memory is.
If they say they don’t have one, ask them if they have any special places where they like to go or things that make them happy.
19. How do you unwind after a long day?
This one doesn’t require much talking on their part, but it’s a good way to learn about their interests and habits.
It also allows you to ask more questions based on their answers.
20. Who is your favorite person of all time and why?
This question is perfect if you’re trying to break the ice with someone who’s been around for a while but doesn’t talk much in group settings maybe even someone who looks like they don’t want to be there at all.
They can give you some insight into themselves by telling you why this particular person is important to them or what makes them special (and maybe even relate that back to themselves).
FAQ
Why are some people very quiet?
People who are shy or introverted tend to be quiet and have a hard time initiating conversations.
They may also be apprehensive about speaking up in front of others, especially if they’re not sure what to say.
But there are many reasons why someone may be quiet, including:
1. They’re shy or introverted
2. They’re not interested in what you’re talking about
3. They don’t know how to respond
4. They’re nervous around new people
What are shy people like?
Shyness is a personality trait that describes a person who feels uncomfortable or awkward in social situations.
A shy person may feel nervous around other people, which can lead to anxiety and self-consciousness.
Some people mistakenly believe that everyone is shy at some point in their lives, but this isn’t true.
Shyness is a personality trait that differs from one person to another.
While some people may be naturally more introverted than others, shyness is different from introversion because it’s not about how much energy someone has; it’s about how much energy they use when interacting with others.
Can shyness be cured?
Yes! Shyness is often something you can overcome. It takes time and practice, but it will get easier over time.
Final Thought
The first step in initiating a conversation with someone shy is to make sure you have something to talk about.
If you don’t, then it’s going to be difficult for you to start a conversation.
You might be able to come up with some ideas if you know the person well but if it’s someone that you just met, then having some common interests or hobbies will help.
If this person has just moved into your neighborhood, then maybe they would like to know more about the area.
If they are shy, they may not be comfortable asking these questions themselves. If this is the case, then offer some suggestions on places that they can visit or things that they can do in their free time.
Once you have figured out what topic to talk about and how best to initiate a conversation with a shy person, it’s time for action.
Start by saying hello and introducing yourself politely. Then ask them how their day has been so far or how long they have lived in the area.
Once you have started talking with each other, ask more personal questions such as where they work or what their hobbies are like so that you can get to know each other better.
